My life, my love!

I'm lucky. I don't think i say it enough, or even appreciate it enough. But i'm lucky because of the people I have in my life. I don't think many people read this, and i don't know if the people i'm about to talk about will read this, but I think in life, how we feel about people and how they affect us isn't said enough. Life is too short. I like the people i care about to know i care about them.

There are some people in my life who are there for me no matter what. This isn't a recent thing either. They're not just there when i get stressed about uni, or upset over a boy, they've been there for as long as I can remember. They were there as i started intermediate, as i started high school, as i went through my first heart break and as i made my big mistakes. They're there no matter what. And they don't make me apologise for who i am. They accept me, no matter what i look like, act like or feel like.

They are easy to be around, and without them i would truly be lost. Over the years there has been drama, heartache, tears, tantrums but overall there has been a lot of fun. They are my 'family' and they are my friends. They are the people i know will always be there without fail. No matter how we all change we all know we'll have each other. I just want to thank those people for being part of my life. Without them i don't know where i would be and without them I wouldn't be who i am. They have shaped me. So i just want them to know how much i appreciate them being in my life. They are true friends.

For you.

It's sad how someone can get knocked down, their spirit broken and all hope lost from one single rejection. It is no reason to give up your dreams.
If you want something reach out and grab it. Follow it and follow your heart. Don't let others stand in the way. Overcome the barriers that may be stopping you. You don't have any excuse. I have no time is not an excuse, if you want something to happen you make time. The busiest people make time and have the fullest lives. I am not good enough is also no excuse. Don't ever think you're not good enough. Don't let anyone tell you you're not good enough.

You are good enough. Please don't give up on your dreams. Live. Live life the way you want to and don't let the rejection and barriers break your spirit. I believe in you. Please believe in yourself.

Disney-fied

Okay so i get a LOT of crap for being a fan of the 'disney princesses' If you don't know who the disney princesses are, then clearly you're just not cool enough to belong to the disney club (those members of the disney club know who they are).

For those who don't know these 'disney princesses' i'm going to tell you. Miley would probably be the queen. Followed by Demi and Selena. I'm also going to include Taylor Swift in here, not because she has anything to do with Disney but i kind of associate her with them.

I don't think they really need too much introduction. Miley has of course taken over the world, and for it she has met SO much scrutiny. Her every move is criticised and it's almost as if she can't get a coffee without it being breaking news. Why do I love her so much? To be honest i find her facinating. I'm not a massive fan of her earlier songs but what she's been doing lately (breakout album and after) i'm really enjoying. I find her facinating simply because she has a hugely popular tv show (Hannah Montana, which i really do enjoy because it is mindless comedy), numerous albums and successful tours, has voiced movies, starred in the Hannah Montana movie, has just finished filming 'The Last Song' and has plenty more lined up. She is a multi-millionaire... and she is still only 16. She is potentially one of the most successful young star ever and has more than half of the teen and tween audience under her spell. A lot of people say she can't sing. I beg to differ. She is one of very few people who can sing live and still sound similar to what she sounds like on her records. I love lady gaga - but she sounds SO different live.

It took me a while to warm to Demi. I have to say she's not a hugely brilliant actress. I enjoyed camp rock but really don't like her tv show (Sonny with a chance). I do however REALLY enjoy her music. She's got a very mature sound, particularly her latest album and her music is very un-Disney. Youtube 'Here we go again' and 'Don't forget' to see what i mean. She isn't as hugely popular as Miley, but she is climbing the ranks. I don't think she'll ever come to be such a phenomemon in the way Miley has, but i think that is a good thing. Miley is going to find (and already is) it hard to break out of the Disney mold, but as Demi had (in a way) established a bit of a career after camp rock she doesn't seem to be as tied under the Disney banner.

Selena i don't think has quite the singing talent of Demi and Miley but i do think she can act. She is rocking in Wizards of Waverly place, Cinderella story and Princess Protecion program... although i do see her being cast in the same roles over and over. She has potential, but i think she needs to grow into it a little more. I like her though, and i will still watch the things she's in.

Taylor Swift as i mentioned is not a Disney girl. She is friends with miley, demi and selena but she's a southern country singer and has really brought country music back on the scene, or thats what i think anyway. Her songs are very similar to each other, same sort of sound, but i enjoy them. They're good to chill out to and they're very real.

Although all four of these girls get criticised simply because of their age and their association with Disney (minus Taylor) i think people should back off a bit and let them be. And for those who dislike them on principle, they should give them a chance. Listen to their latest stuff - not everyone will like them, but don't judge before you've given it a chance. For realz.

Like in the movies

I know i wrote a post on boys/love/the game so recently, but it has been on my brain a bit lately. It's not like in the movies is it. I mean we've always known that. The movies, even occasionally tv shows portray love and relationships to be a bit like a fairytale. Well thats my view. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, there is some sort of barrier they must face.... boy does everything possible to win the girls affections and they end up happily ever after. Okay sure there are exceptions. I really must stop watch romantic comedies because the expectations they set are too high, very few guys can match up to that.

I was told the other day that i should become a lesbian nun. By a tutor at uni. Although the thought of me becoming a lesbian nun is an intriguing one, i can't see it happening any time soon. In the movies its 'not just a pretty face' that the men fall for. In reality, men see the 'pretty face' and thats all it is. "you're a pretty face but you mean nothing to me." Maybe if they looked past the 'pretty face' they would get to know the person underneath, see the brains, the humour, the intellect, the fun, the craziness. See the person! But i find many guys just won't take the time to get to know the person behind the face.

I've been trying to put these thoughts into a song... but i can't find the right words. it's so frustrating! I've found music to be more real. In fact there are so many songs that put words to what i'm thinking and feeling that i've given up on movies and tv for the time being and switched to spending huge amounts of my time listening to music. They say what is real and what i feel. sometimes that can be more of a comfort than the happy fluffy halmark movies.

I guess i have unrealistic expectations. I mean really, a few of my favourite movies (are also musicals) Moulin Rouge, Rent, Across the Universe and Les Mis. In all four of these, well for a start the guy sings, but secondly he goes to great lengths to overcome all obstacles to be with the girl "It's about love, overcoming all obstacles" (if you know which movie thats from, you are kind of awesome.) Damn these movies and there everlasting love, you don't get swept on your feet in real life.

Capture it on film

I have various reactions when i pull my camera out. Some people groan and get super annoyed when i start taking photos, others try and jump in every shot i take. And i do take a lot. Anyone can see that by just looking at my facebook page which for me is largely just a place to upload and share my photos. It's also good if my computer unexpectedly dies because all my photos are saved on trusty facebook. Anyway, a lot of the people who claim to be annoyed when i pull my camera out are still often the ones to be nagging me to put up my photos or bring my camera along at the next event.

But why am i so persistent in capturing the moment? Because people are important to me. Memories are important. I like to remember the times, who was there, what we did. I like there to be some sort of record of it. I like to be able to look back and think of the fun times and i like to be able to show off my friends to other people.
I especially like photos of me with the people who mean something to me (my friends). They are the people who have had an impact on my life, who have shaped a part of who i am.

I started taking a lot of photos in seventh form. It was a good time to start taking photos because now i can look back, even if it was only a few years ago and look at the people who make up a small part of me. Even if i don't see all of them or talk to them as often as i would like, they knew me in a different part of my life, and i like having a record of them to be able to look at.

I know my facebook may be cluttered (actually SWAMPED) in photos, but really, whatever. I take photos, i share them and i think thats important. I can't say exactly why it's important... but i think it is.

The 'Game'

I LOVED being a little kid. Okay i may have wanted nothing more but to grow up when i was little but honestly, life was SO easy. For one, there were no bills to pay, mum did my washing, cooked my dinner and made my lunches... life was just life and it was there to be lived. I remember finding a 10c coin on the field one lunchtime when i was about 9. I was old enough to walk home from school then and made a slight detour to the dairy to buy two strawberry and cream lollies. I was sooo nervous the whole time mum would drive past after picking my sister up and see that i didn't come straight home. To be fair it was probably quite a dangerous thing to do if i'm being all PC, but whatever. Life was good!

There wasn't the complexities that life has now. I guess this is the transition from actually being a kid to be an adult. I suppose. I know for a fact i'm not the person I was the day I bawled my eyes out all the way to Auckland as i left my life in Christchurch behind. Then again, i had turned 18 only two weeks before and had spent probably 3 weeks away from my family in my 18 years - it was scary! And i knew perhaps one other person in Auckland besides from my Uncle and his family. I can't really complain about life though, in fact i've got it pretty good. I can still visit home and all my friends down here, have my dinner cooked and my washing done for me, and then have an entirely different independent life in Auckland with a group of amazing friends up there, so if i'm being totally honest life is still as sweet, if not sweeter than it was when i was little.

I look back to when i was 8/9/10 and think about the problems i had then (Courtney didn't speak to me for a WHOLE night because we had a fight.) Then i look at the problems i have now.... to be honest they're still on the same lines. They're still people oriented ALTHO most people know i get ridiculously stressed about uni and can potentially turn into a monster when due date is close so i didn't have those pressures when i was 9. But overall they're still very based around people.

On the recommendation of my trusty hairdresser a few months ago I ended up buying 'He's just not that into you'. I have got to say this is a horrible book... but i think its kind of accurate. I just want to know why! I mean a lot of people have said you gota play the game,but why? who invented this game and why is it there? Are we living in the past thinking guys must make the first move? Well yes apparently. According to this book all my arguements which i try and come up with are completely shot down. I wana know if anyone reading this post has read this book and if this is totally true? If so that is super lame. Does everyone actually play this game?
eg. He says he'll call you and he doesn't - okay maybe he's busy, got a lot on etc this is how they shoot down that arguement "they say they didn't even have even a moment in their busy day to pick up the phone. Bullshit. With the advent of cell phones and speed dial it is almost impossible not to call you. sometimes i even call people from my pocket without even meaning to" - so this then means - he says he'll call (text, facebook, visit, skype, bebo, msn, email, write a freaking letter) and doesn't = he's just not that into you? for real? Am i just being naieve here or are girls actually dimwitted? If a senario like this does happen, does this mean that the guy is really not interested? Or are there exceptions, because as far as i know there are exceptions for every rule? There are a LOT of 'excuses' girls will apparently use for guys in here. "the he's out of town a lot' excuse, the 'he's afriad of getting hurt again' the maybe we're just different, 'the but i like him this way' oooh they go on and on, i mean really, there is a whole book about it. I'm still wondering how accurate it is? My hairdresser says it is her bible. Do i need to make it my bible as well, read a passage every night, sleep with it under my pillow and become a shell of a person so i follow these 'words of wisdom'? Does this mean if you get a 'he's just not that into you' then you give up just like that? Move on? Switch off what you feel?

I duno, something just doesn't feel quite right. I don't use 'self-help' books for other aspects of my life, why would i use it here. I like to follow my heart, listen to my gut instincts and know that if its meant to be, its meant to be...even if sometimes you have to fight for it. If u are willing to fight for it...its worth fighting for - as long as the other person wants to be fought for i guess! I'm a feeling person though. I live through feeling - according to one of those personality test things anyway!

I want some thoughts on 'the game'. What do you think? Is it better to follow the rules? Or to write new ones?

If we were a movie...

From the mouth of gimpy

Crutches. Before last week i'd never had them. So i've been hobbling around on these death poles for about a week now, and although i haven't yet managed to fall off them i'm sure the day is close. Whats worse is the pain in my ankle doesn't seem to be getting any better.

I saw some friends last night, somehow what had happened to me got lost in translation. Not kidding, they thought i had be HIT by a scooter! WHO honestly in their right mind could get hit by a scooter? I'm not sure how they thought i could be so gumby but apparently i must come off as more of a walking disaster than i am!

When i was at primary school, or even early days of high school i'd see people on crutches and i'd sorta think it might be fun. Was this me possibly putting a curse on myself? I'm not enjoying these damn crutches to say the least, even worse i can't do any exercise which is making me lose my mind ever so slightly!

Getting up the steps into the big top... tent at cirque du soliel the other day was a mission. what made it worse was that i was carrying - or trying to carry - my handbag, the bag with the purchases i made in the gift shop, and a box of popcorn. it wasnt easy! Then of course my seat just happened to be in the middle of the row.... meaning with all this crap and still relying on my crutches i had to squeeze past half a row of people - they must have sat down SUPER early. It was a mission i tell you and actually rather humiliating i might add. They're just so big, and not easy to just put away somewhere. sooo frustrating!

I wish i had some funny crutches related stories to share.... but i'm just not funny on them. in fact most of the time i look a bit like jasper from twilight - when Jessica says 'he's the one who looks like he's always in pain...' yeah i look like i'm always in pain, or struggling to manouvere these damn crutches. or something.

Did i mention i've been dubbed both 'gimpy' and hop a long. although i've been called hop a long every time i've had to limp for some various injury since i was 18 months old when i broke my teeny tiny leg when going down a slide - no joke. Perhaps i am a walking disaster

You know what.... i think i might go back to bed. At least I can't injure myself there!